the summer I lay down
By Nisha Patel
Mala Iqbal, Watcher in the Pines, 2025. Oil on canvas. 9 x 12 inches.
Image description: A horizontal composition painted in thick, brushy strokes depicts a vertical forest through which glimpses of golden sky and a patch of blue, possibly water, glow. The central figure—“The Watcher” —sits in the crook of dark pine branches, suspended high above the ground. The overall mood is portentous.
after the Alberta Wildfire Season
the summer I lay down
even the mountain pine beetles died
bodies popping open in the cascading wildfires that caught
too quickly for the fired firefighters to get their provincial contracts back
some people think killing beetles
instead of nurturing flora into resistant underbrush
solves the problem
point out that a forest on fire cuts the beetles off at the jaw
puts a foot down
saves the wood for the boardrooms
and the borders
there are exercises you can do to deepen your lung capacity
actors know this, add it to their diets of gig work
and exposure
so I audition for a new body
and wait for a call-back
food costs less when I can’t go out to get it
staying still makes the inhalers stretch longer
I try not to blame myself when the coffee-shop I like closes
throw out all the prescription bottles
and try not to think of how it’s my fault
that the North-West of old
won’t be growing old
and as the smoke permeates even my bedsheets
and my chest shudders in tsunami waves
against the shores of my ribs
I imagine holding on to my throat
like the mast of a sinking ship
wondering if there’s anything left of my jaw
to call for help
the government thinks it is on me
to evacuate my body
when the dangerous parts-per-million
reach over four hundred
they could throw me a rope
made of all the red tape they’ve been cutting
but I’d mistake it for a different kind of escape
they make examples of me
and the mountain pine beetles
pests and pestilence
hope that the smoke chokes us out
hope that we stop hollowing things out
like tree trunks and healthcare budgets
that our mucosal linings go up in flames
and turn into silver linings for everyone else
that summer I lay down for three months
on a mattress on the floor
hoping gravity would work
to stop the heaving of my chest
as the beetles and the people lost their homes
the air-conditioning was too expensive
and the smoke got into the curtains and pillows
and I was too weak to wash it all out
the summer I lay down
I thought of mercy
and blame
and God
I thought of praying for the wasps
and the beetles
and the girls
knowing there is nothing that deserves to die
choking on the air
itself
Nisha Patel is a Poet Laureate Emeritus of the City of Edmonton and a Canadian Poetry Slam Champion. She is a disability advocate and diabetic. Her third collection, For the Record, is out in the fall of 2026 with Arsenal Pulp Press. She currently works from Edmonton and Calgary.
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Mala Iqbal (BA Columbia University; MFA Rhode Island School of Design) is a Brooklyn-based artist who works primarily in drawing and painting. She was born in the Bronx and grew up in a household where three cultures and four languages intersected. Iqbal has had solo exhibitions at Soloway Gallery, Brooklyn, NY; Ulterior Gallery, Bellwether Gallery, and PPOW (all in New York); Taylor University, Upland, Indiana; Twelve Gates Arts, Philadelphia; and Richard Heller Gallery, Los Angeles. Her work has been exhibited in group shows throughout the US, as well as in Australia, China, Europe, and India. Iqbal has been awarded artist residencies at the MacDowell Colony, Yaddo, the Fine Arts Work Center, and the Hermitage Artist Retreat. She is the recipient of fellowship from the Joan Mitchell Foundation and the New York Foundation for the Arts (NYFA). For more info and images visit: https://www.malaiqbal.com
“a forest on fire cuts the beetles off at the jaw”. A crip ecology poem by Nisha Patel for Suspect’s “Crip Time” portfolio.